Dear Twenty-something Gays,

I really can’t watch another gay indie (or even worse, mainstream) film about AIDS. My feeling – it’s been (over)done by the generation before us. I can’t help it. My friends and I were ultra-scared of getting HIV. It was all we ever heard of. And it made coming out even worse, since the stereotype was very much that gays got AIDS. That was my mother’s biggest fear. That may have been the truth for the generation above us – the one that lost their friends to the strange new disease that was spreading like wildfire. But by the time we were hittin’ the streets, the straights were getting it more than the homos. As always, it’s only a matter a time before the breeders catch on. But, by then my generation already knew the risks.

That’s not to say that we weren’t a bunch of whores. That goes without saying, but we were (or are) a bunch of careful whores.

You see, when we were coming up, people still died from it. But since then, something happened. Science, though they can’t cure it, seem to have found a drug cocktail that keeps you living with HIV. Normally a development like this would be good, but I’ve realized that it has had its downside.

Everyone I know with HIV, I’ve met in the past 5 years … and all of them were guys in their early-twenties. Then a light went on – yes, enviro-bitches, it’s solar. These kids aren’t as scared as I was or my friends were. It’s one of those differences between people of different decades that affects how the brain works. These teenty-something (18-24) guys have always had cell phones that fit in their pockets, Wikipedia instead of the library, and no killer immunity-attacking disease that makes you look like Voldemort.

So, I feel like my compatriots and I may have done these kids a disservice. In our avoidance of all things HIV, and as the people basically in charge of media at this point, we’ve failed to pass the message on: HIV may not kill you, but it’s still not cute, beeotches.

The HIV cocktail has a kajillion awful side affects (that’s after they figure out what doses are right for you – a painful, vomit-filled, nauseating process). Here’s just a few that I think will hit the gays hard:

• Instead of shits and giggles, you’ll just have the shits.
• Kiss the low-rise skinny jeans good-bye, recent studies show the drugs can redistribute fat to the abdomen. Those jeans don’t look good on 80% of you anyway.
• Skip the tanning session, the drugs have been known to cause one’s skin and eyes to turn yellow.
• And text the alcohol TTFN. The HIV cocktails will be the only ones you’ll be able to drink, since the drugs increase one’s chances of kidney disease.

I don’t think the teenty-somethings are the only ones that have gotten sloppy about slipping a rubber on, but those are the ones I think my avoidance of the HIV topic may have helped in under-educating. I’m feeling better now (sadly there’s no cure for Catholic guilt, but there are cocktails).

Be safe, Hollywood Queer